I like blogging

This is my first blog. I have been wanting to do this since a long time and I wonder just why I didn't do this before. Probably this is the best way to express my thoughts, feelings and ideas. I can't keep my thoughts bottled up inside for long, need to get them out often. So sharing my feelings works like a catharsis, and I keep itching to come out with whatever is on my mind. But over the years I have also realized that I am not such a good speaker or communicator. Being a writer for so many years, what I have noticed about myself is that my words automatically flow smoothly when I am in front of a keyboard or poised with a paper and pencil in hand...but somehow when I speak, the words get stuck and I really don't end up expressing myself very clearly or accurately. So I now think blogging is the best. Having this sort of a medium for expressing yourself without any inhibitions, and without having to bother about the ideas, attitude or disposition of your audience, is bringing a new sense of creativity, freedom and satisfaction.

There are so many ideas and new thoughts that I always want to express to someone. Often, there are times when I make a little spiritual discovery, an insignificant miracle happens to me, or I have an enlightening thought about the ways of life, there is really no one I have felt comfortable sharing these things with...someone who would be attentive and interested in hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I find its a few spoken or written words, or a particular day, event or exprience provides a vaulable lesson of life and sheds some light on the many unanswered questions about the patterns of the universe. These are the things I long to share with someone. In any case talking and expressing feelings really helps us women (from Venus) feel a lot better and lighter.

But where is the time to open up with a friend, have an uninterrupted chat with hubby or share the events of the day anyone, for that matter? Life has suddenly become too damn hectic, and managing 2 kids and a challenging full-time job is not easy. I am always looking for quick ways to unwind and get some time to myself, to do the things that help me relax. Squeezing in a few minutes for pranayama and meditation is also so tough. Skipping it on some days makes me lose my balance and composure, and blow my fuse at the drop of a hat. On certain days despite the meditation and deep breathing I am unable to relax mentally. These days are the worst! The pressure and daily grind of work and responsibilities gets to me so much that I am like a time bomb waiting to explode on anyone who dares to spark my anger. On these days the anger is really uncontrollable and my jaw aches from gritting my teeth in frustration.

At such times, it's like anyone and everyone seems so thoughtless and inconsiderate. Problem also lies in the fact that I have always been sensitive to vibes from people and nowadays even more so. Most of the time, just by focussing on someone I can get these gut feelings about their attitude and mindset. Mostly my guesses are correct. This can be good or bad on some days. Anyways life just keeps rolling on. Though from a positive perspective, its good to keep busy and have so much action happening around that you don't even realize how fast time has gone by. Nor do you have the time to stop and think of what's going on. And soon these days of pressure will pass. Kids will grow up and be on their own. Right now I really crave for some time for myself, for my interests and hobbies. But at some point in life, when I do have all the time to myself, to do whatever I want, God knows if I will enjoy blogging or painting or reading as I do now in these snatched moments of bliss! Life is an irony!

And now having typed this much, is already making me feel so much bettter, like as if I have been chatting with a friend endlessly and pouring out all that is within me. I am really tempted to blog daily.